You Call THAT Friendship???

Okay. I feel that I’ve been really good about not using my blog for rants. Considering I can (and do) rage about quite a lot in person, it is a miracle my blog isn’t laden with f-bombs and other profanities, warranting a “please validate that you are over the age of 18” warning upon visiting. That being said, I can’t hold this in any longer. This is a subject and a pattern of behavior I’ve observed for years and have become increasingly irritated, finally to the point that I’m in need of a good rant. And what better place to express my intense frustration than here? I (almost) apologize for the language…

Am I the only one who has moments in which they want to completely do away with their social media accounts? While there are a number of great benefits, it seems like social media is increasingly becoming a breeding ground for idiots. A cesspool for assholes (both female and male, but I’m referring primarily to the titty-wielding gender) who have nothing better to do than use their accounts to present themselves in an entirely different persona. The people who are so intent on making people like and adore them that they truly become a different person online, where in real life they are just as run of the mill as the rest of us. 

If it weren’t for the fact that a) I’m the primary administrator for my work’s Facebook account and thus, have to have a personal account; b) I do have a small group of friends/family that I enjoy keeping in contact with; and c) My amazing book club, I’d happily delete Facebook altogether.

I’m so beyond irritated with people who put on a show. We all know a few of them. Those people who are hyper-selective with what they “like” and what articles or posts they comment on. Those people who know it all, and for whatever reason, have to let everyone and their effing grandmother know that they are the subject matter expert in everything. Those people who meet someone once, and are then best friends with them, forming ridiculous, intense attachments and having to comment on every. single. post. to prove how in love they are with their new BFF.

*pukes in mouth*

I have my suspicions. They had a shitty childhood in some way and have to overcompensate as an adult. For whatever reason they have never had many friends, so now they have to be friends with everyone. They are striving to prove to themselves that they are worthy of X, and act (as in lie their dirty little faces off) in a way that is completely dishonest and misleading.

Why??? How do people have the energy for this behavior?!

This seems to be a fairly typical issue with a lot of women. This intense need to prove that you are better, that you are smarter, that you are prettier. A need to prove that you’re the better mom because you did X, that you’re more successful because you accomplished X at work, that you make more money than that other chick by making a huge purchase first.

This type of behavior is a deal breaker for me. I’ve gotten to the point with some uber-competitive acquaintances that it is easier to not be on speaking terms than having to constantly keep up. I’m no angel. I’m human. I have my moments of wanting to compete. But when it comes to judging someone else because of their parenting choices, downplaying the professional intelligence of a friend, or managing to fault in something simple, mundane, or petty, I just won’t cross that line. Some people enjoy making others feel like shit and have no issues tearing down others to feel better about themselves, I simply will never be one of them.

I’ve been on the receiving end and it is fucking draining. This has been an exhausted topic in the media lately; how women need to stand up for and be there for other women rather than comparing and judging, criticizing and ripping each other apart. I just don’t get that kind of mentality.

It is sad, but I’d rather lose a friendship than continue to try to keep up, to have to present an equally faux persona to match whatever pedestal they have put themselves on.

AND IT ISN’T EVEN A REAL PEDESTAL! IT’S A PEDESTAL OF LIES!

What gets me the most about myself though, is that I constantly give these types of people second chances. Again and again I take the brunt end of the judgement, the “constructive suggestions,” or the blatant professions that they are simply better and know more. I’ve been advised to let those toxic friendships go, that it simply isn’t worth the time, stress, and anxiety of having to equally behave a certain way, that I simply shouldn’t have to take it.

And I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t continue to give them a second, a third… a tenth chance. Why should I sit here fuming, waiting for an apology that will never come? Why should I continue to be the friend who isn’t as smart, as successful, as pretty, or as wealthy just so someone else can feel better about themselves? Screw that.

Easier said than done… Should friendships really take that much work?

End rant.

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28 thoughts on “You Call THAT Friendship???

  1. For many of the same reasons, I’ve deactivated all my social media except LinkedIn which I don’t update or use anyway. It’s the gossips and rumormongers that draw my ire. I’m even considering suspending my blog as every time I write a love poem someone tells me they heard on Facebook that I’m having an affair. I agree when you wonder who has the energy to expend on such nonsense.

    1. Good Lord… Another example of the idiocy of some people! I’ve been very lucky that no one has drawn conclusions from my writing, but I definitely wonder what the say behind my back. It is FICTION people!!

  2. I definitely get the urge to just deactivate my Facebook sometimes. Right now my biggest pet peeve is when someone I barely know or was never friendly to me sends me a friend request and then makes a big fuss about it when I don’t accept. A few years ago a guy I went to high school with kept sending me messages badgering me about why I wouldn’t add him. I should have just blocked him right away, but I decided to respond.

    Me: “Why WOULD I add you?”
    Him: “‘Cause we went to high school together.”
    Me: “Yeah, and after I wouldn’t go to prom with you, you pretended I didn’t exist. And when we ran into each other at the grocery store last year, you were a total jerk to me.”
    Him: “That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends now. Just add me, okay?”
    Me: “Exactly why would I want to be friends with someone who’s never been nice to me?”
    Him: “Well, if you’re determined to hold a grudge…”
    Me: *headdesk*

    1. Oh Gawd… I did a HUGE “friend purge” a year ago, chopped it down from nearly 300 to under 100. Determining factors: Have I talked to or seen you in the past 6 months? No? Delete. Have you ever been a bitch/ass to me? Yes? Delete. The older I get, the more I want to nurture those mutually fulfilling friendships and axe those that are toxic and exhausting. Why waste my time and energy on those ones? Delete.

      1. Same here. I’m at 90 now, and of those maybe a dozen are hidden from my news feed because I like them as people but can only handle their Facebooking in small doses.

        Give it another decade or so and I’ll probably be down to single digits.

  3. I left Facebook almost 6 years ago (joined in beginning of 2007 and left end of 2009, so very close to three years) I left for mainly the damaging gossip as I shared my room with two girls who would leave nice comments and then talk badly about the person. Hypocrites…

      1. I don’t know people sometimes don’t have a life so they have to criticise and make fun of that of others. At least they won’t have anyone gossiping about them I think.
        This behaviour will one day seal the fate of Facebook…

  4. The real work involved with being a friend is to be honest and to be there when your friend needs you, even if it’s to offer a sincere “I’m sorry for…” If a social media contact is trying to go the route you describe, I walk away (virtually) fast.

  5. I have a love hate relationship with social media. I love being able to stay in contact with friends and family. While the things that annoy me are different than the ones that annoy you, I do get annoyed quite often. My solution was to still be friends with people but to stop following their updates. If I want to subject myself to the things they say, I have to actually visit their feed. Some things still slip through the cracks but I am much happier on FB now.

  6. As I was reading this, it reminded me of a man I met on Twitter We became close friends (yes we actually met in person) until one day when I realized that it was all a farce. At the time we were in the same industry. I left so I no longer had anything to offer him. And so, the friendship ended, my choice. I too have been whittling down my friends list. It’s a good purge, but I agree. None of the social media sites are what they’re meant to be

  7. I’m glad I’m not the only one in the obnoxious position of wanting to delete Facebook, but can’t because I’m administrator of several accounts! Sigh. I need to do what one of my friends suggested and delete the app from my phone so that I only check it now and then on desktop. I’m just so in the habit of opening the app when I have a free minute — something that these days is so hit-or-miss. Sometimes it’s just meh, but sometimes it really is infuriating!

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