She could feel herself sinking, that nervous way her body seemed to shake from deep within her tightened chest. The not knowing, the uncertainty, the anxiety was bubbling up and finally catching up with her. Every minute of every day, holding back tears, refusing to talk, to make it someone else’s problem; they have their own issues.
Some good news. Please. All I need is some fucking good news.
Drawing on the second to the last cigarette, she glanced down at the carton, cursing at the need to purchase more. The vice she always turned to, instantly satiating the nervous energy. Double fisting the last half inch and the dredges of her second glass of red wine.
Sitting on the deck stairs, she leaned against the railing, the back porch chilling from lack of afternoon sun. A hummingbird whizzed by, perched on a bare branch overhead, frantically grasping and hanging in the spring gusts of wind.
I know how you feel, buddy…
She poured herself another glass, the burgundy liquid streamed out of the dark green neck. Pausing briefly, she shrugged and finished the bottle. She let the sweet nectar slide through her lips, breathing a heavy sigh. She could feel it starting to unravel. Falling back into old habits, the security blanket she had woven for herself falling apart, one thread at a time, from the inside out.